there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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