Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
