what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
