why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
