I wanna passion pit in your ass
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i now understand why vodka
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
