I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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