she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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