you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
