but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
