two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
