I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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