Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
