After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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