Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This baby is an asshole
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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