Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
