hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
