hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
