He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
