You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
