i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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