The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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