Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
