u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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