all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
