i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
