How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
