conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
