My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
