the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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