Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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