So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
