saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
