You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
