You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He did a backflip because drugs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
