Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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