can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
