You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
