Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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