I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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