i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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