Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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