I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
