Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
