last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
