Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
