His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
