discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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