I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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