he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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