The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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