Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
