For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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