I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
