ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
